The Past
Lunacy To The Great Moon Goddess
It brings you back to where I was first found
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Date: Friday, February 10, 2012 Time: 12:21 AM ...
Tell me , did I not need you during my rough patches at times when I was in a relationship with your brother . Tell me did I not need you when I broke up with him . Tell me did I not need that heart to heart talk , walking a whole circle of jurong west in the middle of the night with you when I was heart broken . Tell me did I still did not need you after I broke every ties with my ex . I could choose faque or predicx or anyone else , I could even choose to leave everyone related to him if I wanted to but the last person I wanted to break ties with was you . Why , because I see a part of myself in you . I came to you for knowledge of hiphop . I needed you to hear my rhymes out and eagerly wanting you to judge . Your blog was my influence to my posts , you was what I look up to . I still come to you when I've already reached the level I once dreamt of before I knew nuts about hiphop . I needed you when nobody else could understand my thoughts and how my mind works . I thought of you when I'm reading the tao of wu . I needed you to express whatever I was thinking about because I know no other minds would work the way mine would except for yours . Tell me I never need you when I came telling you the secrets in my heart that I would never imagine telling any other guy . Because I trust that you don't judge . And even if you do you speak truth , you speak of words I need to hear . I met you 5 years ago I needed you when I was inlove , I needed you when I was out of love and moved on and in love with someone else and been played for and heartbroken again , I still needed you for everything else in between back in the days uptil whatever I've been through today and for what I am today was because of 2 person and 1 of them was you . For who ever asked me what made me who I am today , I told them it was you and what you did for me and how I'm blessed . Yo tell me I've never needed you bro . I need you like I need myself . I needed you to reset my mindset , to make my whole soul stay on the ground . You are my roots that I fall back on when I'm lost and clouded by the mass and it's hypes . If I didnt need you , I don't know where I'd be . if this is not how a person needs someone then tell me how else . You're fuckin around with the idea of friendship that I have with you , you're questioning my priority I put forth in you and that brings me to my lowest self because if I lose you , I lose a big ass part of myself . I won't have anything to fall back on if you take yourself away . I believe you are a man of your words and it frightens me if youre livin it up for real . But if you already prayed for God's guidance , and this is the road that was given to you then you live up to your name , fate . I've never compared you with others but it burns and shocks me to know that you , a man of real understanding and vision , has compared me to the 'rest' . You have no idea for what I take you for , all my life . And for that , eventhough you mentioned you're leaving , Im still gonna be here like you've been there for me from the start . Ask yourself why would I try convincing you with this longass post if I didn't need you . Ask yourself and tell me if I've faked the times when I needed you . Peace . |
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Date: Thursday, February 2, 2012 Time: 11:14 AM tell me .. do you understand what you feel inside ?  i think since trying to talk to you wont help , i'll just blog it out for you to read IF you even read my blog . i know ive said it alot of times that ive had it with whatever is going on between us . but you're only doing what you're doin because you know i wont leave . but this time round im tired . im tired of these secrets that i have to keep . tired of always trying to figure out what we are . tired of hiding from people . tired lying to myself . tired of confusing myself . tired of pretending this is ever gonna be real one day . cos even if you ask yourself , you know we're not just friends . and i find myself always asking " when is this ever gonna end ? " for how long are we gonna be this way ? cos i cant keep up anymore . if you love me as a friend , or whatever you take me for .. stop all this . ask yourself how you really feel about me and treat me the way what i am really to you . atleast ... stop lying to yourself . Atleast , if we go back to being normal friends and do what every normal friends do , we dont have to hide whenever we see anyone anymore . we dont have to worry what anyone would say anymore . we dont have to worry about a thing . i really hope you seek deep within you and help me out . cos if trying to tell you wont work , tell me what will . with love .. to you and you know its you . |
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Date: Wednesday, January 11, 2012 Time: 8:05 PM
It has been so fuckin long since I stepped on to clementi . What more with having to walk through paths that was still so fresh in my memory . I was so very surprised I still know the way . Walking through each places that reminded me off some pasts almost brought me to tears . But I had no choice . When I sat down , waiting for boon , my heartbeat skipped for every stranger that passed by , secretly wishing it was that one significant person . But nope .. Boon reached , talked for a bit and I had to walk back through those same places I came from . Ouch . Heart pain leiiii ~ we were so near yet so fuckin far . Nonetheless , mango goodstuff was smooth :) |
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Date: Thursday, January 5, 2012 Time: 9:18 PM
It's either you find another way to make me look at you the same way again , or , Leave and forget all that we ever had . Either wayz , I love you but I'm good on my own . |
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Date: Saturday, December 31, 2011 Time: 1:33 PM down with the ......... ? *^%&* U**( X  " if one was to hate on you , we got 22 " they welcomed me enough and now's my time to not let them down . 2012 , lets get the ball rollin ;) |
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Date: Friday, December 30, 2011 Time: 11:12 AM Welcome 2012
And so I admit to losing , and recapped ways of the prayers because it has been long since I practiced it and first attempt was clumsy but in faith that He would accept my prayers . Nobody was at home , my mum ran away . And so during my first ever dzuhur prayer , I cried my heart out to Him , asking for forgiveness , to enlighten my heart and soul , to forgive my parents and brother , to accept my prayers , to show me what I'm supposed to do in this hardship I was facing , to rain down rezeki on me and my loved ones , I prayed for God to bless everyone I love . I put all my trust on Him and faith because He doesnt betray his promises to his people . And just a day after , he granted my prayers . He rained down rezeki like I've never realized before . Realistically just enough for me to go through till my pay day comes . And I have to also thank Sherry and Nad for their deeds because they were apart of my granted prayers . Like literally , so much rezeki was brought down to me on one day eventhough I had nothing on me already . Its hard to believe that things DO happen when you have faith , but God is the Almighty and he hears a troubled heart even whispered deep within the core . Therefore , I urge you to all bow to him in despair or happiness because it is we who needs Him to go through this life as how we're supposed to live :) Allahuakhbar . |
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Date: Friday, December 23, 2011 Time: 12:28 PM |
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Date: Sunday, December 18, 2011 Time: 9:58 AM how i long to see your physical form  If i ever fall inlove again , i am gonna fall inlove with a man who's mind up cruising in the stars , knows the meaning of respect , and to be true to who his inner side of him is . A badass but knows how to treat a woman right , bring out the best of her and be a leader , a king to his queen . A man who's not afraid of showing her to the world . A man who's a MAN and not just a boy ..... |
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Date: Wednesday, December 14, 2011 Time: 10:54 PM Don't be a braindead motherfucker . Get your mind going .
But that's what you're supposed to do with life . Look up into Life like an encyclopedia , infact , what are written in the thick encyclopedia is only one part of what it could teach oneself about Life ; past , present and future . But think about what isn't in the encyclopedia ; it isn't even enough to define Life itself . Life isn't easy , has never been easy , will never be easy nor should it even be easy . Life is limitless . 7 gave us Life , and since that , Life is 8 . When you die , you don't die .. The afterlife is just another journey of another life . So if you think you've had enough of Life , know that you can end 1st phase of life on Earth , but you have to deal with another from scratch right after you end the 1st one . If you can't even deal with the 1st phase and go through it till the natural end , don't even think about soaring through the 2nd phase which is your spiritual afterlife . God has given us a challenge that He knows we all could surface . And even though we sometimes wish we could end it all , deep down we know we could go a little more further , and that is why we've achieved in living uptil now . Subconsciously , we achieve something every single day just by surviving and living . So you're stronger than you think . But living . Living isn't Life just by itself . Never live life for the sake of living . Add colour in your life . Attain Knowledge , Understanding , wisdom , faith , love and happiness . It's a journey of never ending benefits . Think of it as a walk among the maze of Life starting with an empty bottle in your hand . One who lives life for the sake of living is just trying to find the way out of the maze . And by the end of it , the bottle remains empty . But the one who uses the maze as a point of discovery , he will breeze through the paths slowly , and finds hidden truths and knowledge , treasures along the way which he would keep it in the bottle . And by the end of it , he not only survives the maze (Life) , but he got out of it NOT empty handed . What im trying to say is , you're living now so might as well make full use of it and collect as many jewelz of Life as you can . Thinking deep into details can sometimes over empower you . And that's when self wisdom should come . When your level of thoughts are pushed to the limit , you're bound to get stuck in the hooks which you would find yourself hard to ... let go .. Yes , letting go . And accepting things as they are . Because when you think and analyze , you WILL find truths . Truths which are always hard to swallow . Knowledge is knowing the informations . But wisdom is accepting and implying . Quoted from RZA of Wu Tang Clan his book The Tao of Wu page 6 , 'Allah's truth is within us all , all the time ; a seed waiting for light to help it grow ; wisdom IS the light' ask yourself , has your seed grown ? How tall is it even is ? by that , you will know of how much wisdom you have in you . And I have very little . Some people find it easy to accept things the way it is . But the true meaning of accepting is to go through the pain FIRST and then smile when you've gotten over it . That at the same time you've attained understanding . That is self wisdom . Compared to , ' let's not give a fuck about it because life has to go on .' That , is ignorant . You mentally accept it , but emotionally avoiding it . Wisdom isn't easy to come by . Knowledge is like the ball of light , and wisdom is the ray of aura coming out of the light . It is very faint and delicate and hard to grasp mentally and emotionally . And that is why not many could take wisdom to another level because God can only make you see what He wants you to see . This is purely from my own opinion because when I read The Tao of Wu , it was a call to me . I hope what I've displayed , is part of your call . Always look at Life in the best way , find a speck of positivity at the very least if you're at the losing end because that is your faith to God. Peace and blessingz , Sheeq . |
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Date: Tuesday, December 6, 2011 Time: 2:35 PM No matter how hard, you better go hard So hard, if you gonna try and stop me now I be ruckus to rhythm like the blocks be wild CANT NOBODY SHAKE MY STRIDE OR BREAK MY PRIDE Some will soothe the pain through booze and narcotics I'mma hold my head, stay true to where my heart is |
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Date: Time: 2:23 PM  what ive been workin on lately ! so happy :) and and im psyched for later ! time to let loooose and have some decent fun ! chiao <3 XX |
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Date: Time: 2:20 PM |
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Date: Saturday, November 26, 2011 Time: 10:17 PM |
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Date: Saturday, November 19, 2011 Time: 9:39 AM No regrets just love
have it all under control . Deep down I knew I was gettin myself into a big mess . And I remembered blogging and said 'the drama could come in later'. And with so much confidence , I thought I wouldn't fall . I could never have imagined me falling because I just KNOW it wouldn't happen .And plus I made out plans to even make sure I was gonna win . I thought I knew myself . But as days went by , I remembered saying to myself 'fuck this couldn't be happening' I could feel myself losing already . And as it went deeper , I admit to losing . Then it got complicated and it felt real but I was reassured it wasn't a game anymore . Game or no game , I still lost . Lesson learnt but I have absolutely no regrets , just love :) Always expect the unexpected and always get to know one person's real personality before denying you'll ever have feelings for them . Bottom line for me , admitting to lose won't mean I lost for sure but atleast I learnt to love again even for just a little while :) Everythings changed and it works differently now but I guess everything happens for a reason :) Blessings xoxo |
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Date: Tuesday, November 15, 2011 Time: 12:37 PM If I said I'm gonna leave , that's the only time you want me |
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Date: Time: 12:27 PM Idk
I don't know who still reads my blog anymore zzz . Reason why I neglected my blog is cos my laptop's busted . Right now I'm blogging using my itouch . Fucked . How am I ? If I say I'm not doing good pon nothing can be done , so , I'm good . Hope you guys are alright tho . God blezz yea :) Life has been confusing , and everyone seems to care less now cos nobody has time to listen to anyone else's heartaches when they themselves don't even know how to settle theirs . We're all helpless. But I'm trying not to focus on what's not there . Sometimes I'm amazed I'm still alive cos I've been through some really painful shit . But relax je , my time will come :) I don't find the need to let out my sorrows to anyone anymore cos all that tak penting . Life has to move on . Always reminding myself that God won't give me something I cannot handle . So right now I'm living life each day at a time . Sometimes I feel like I don't wanna know what you're going through cos bitch I got my own shit to think about unless you're willing to hear my long ass rants in return . But that wouldn't be nice . My friends , I'll try and help whenever I can :) But If possible , I dont wanna get involved in anyone's drama . I don't want anyone new in my life , and stay the fuck away from me . Anybody else wanna leave , leave . Whoever I'm left with I'll be fine with just that . I'll be there when you need me but after that I chiao . Settleeeeee~ It's 16 nov now , 4.30am . Labels: Itouch sucks |
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Date: Friday, October 7, 2011 Time: 9:41 AM |
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Date: Time: 9:35 AM  I LOVE the front cover picture of this movie . im gonna watch it even if it means going to the cinema alone ! |
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Date: Thursday, October 6, 2011 Time: 7:58 PM one month wont be easy but i'll pull through  hello , today is the 7th of October on a friday . and its 10.30am now . supposed to be at work but when i was getting ready i realized i wasnt exactly in my right minds to be at work . i cant concentrate and my mind is all over the place . im thinking and then i smile to myself and then i cry and then i stop and then i get pissed and it goes on a cycle. i dont know , maybe its just PMS cos im having my period now. haha . so right now , all im gonna do is lock myself in the room close the windows , the curtains and turn the music volume up loud enough to block my thoughts . gonna get out of the room only if im hungry or need to pee :) haha . i certainly dont feel like doing anything today , dont want any disturbs so i put my phone away from me . its just me , music and my messed up self in my dark red room . God blezz yall . have a good day today ! |
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Date: Time: 6:11 PM |
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Date: Time: 6:06 PM wake me up , wake me up when all is done i wont rise until this battle's won Will he ? Will he still remember me ? Will he still love even when he's free ? |
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Date: Time: 4:21 PM :) Chris Brown - I Wanna Be The last number you call late at night The first one that you dial when you open your eyes. |
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Date: Time: 4:06 PM you'll always be someone to me  i just wished we had atleast captured one picture to keep . i dont know whats gonna happen next but whatever it'll be , i treasure every single thing we had . thankyou ... :) I WANNA WATCH ' ONE DAY ' with my gfs and cry with them in the cinema PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE ! its a sweet movie with ANNE HATHAWAY in it ! :( |
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Date: Tuesday, October 4, 2011 Time: 9:13 PM  saddest part is i have to force myself and pretend i hate you when i actually really love you . hardest part was to be someone im not and make you hate me . i dont know where im going myself . |
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Date: Time: 10:13 AM  hello :) im currently working for my attachments at Amore Woodland's civic center as a personal trainer and a floor trainer . So far , it has been okay la . but as we girls know , its a little difficult to get along with other girls at times . and working in an ALL girl's gym makes it harder for me . the awkwardness . but so far , im tryna learn everything i can and be at my best :) my working schedule could be changed every week but my off dayz would be thursday usually . i pray that ill learn easily and finish this attachment well :) |
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Date: Monday, October 3, 2011 Time: 5:55 PM  "Friends with Benefits" is about two friends who finds out that getting physical DOES lead to complications |
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Date: Sunday, October 2, 2011 Time: 5:35 PM                                                                 so heres what happened to me briefly . 18th on a sunday at 1pm went to ite cck for an event . main purpose was to meet Fate and Double Dee . Chillout till night with some friends which i shall not mention who . left ite cck at 8 and was accompanied halfway out by a friend . my friend went back in to school cos got camp and i walked my way to teck whye lrt . i fainted , woke up in the hospital and got to NUH . in hospital fainted another 5 times and had 3 seizures . hp batt was totally flat and i couldnt contact my mum neither do i remember anyone's no. told doctor to inform my mum via police to my doorstep but they said it'd be weird (wtf) so i stayed there for 3 dayz without anyone knowing . God knows how fuckin lonely i got . suddenly dnoe how i remembered my classmate's no. through her , she got through my mum and mum came crying . thought i could go home but doc told me to stay till 26th. wanted to ciao with needle in my hand but mum wouldnt let me . lovely people visited me through the dayz . 2nd last day i had another test done no me . on that test something happened and my heartbeat stopped for 20 secs . nurse said i died for awhile lol . bottomline is , theres something wrong with my heart and i have to go for a cardiac therapy . total hospital bill was $4000++ lazy wanna go into details about what happened during my stay . i'll only tell when im asked :) although doc said it could happen to me again anytime , i thank God that its not too serious . and i wanna apologize to the ones who were worried sick and went all the way to search for me when yall thought i was missing . thankyou so v much . Thankyou to the ones who gave me well wishes for my recovery and the ones who called me at night just to accompany me before i sleep . a couple of yall who said " just text or call me anytime if you're bored in the hospital " even if it means in the middle of the night . all of you were very sweet . the thoughtful presents and lastly thankyou to My brother , my mum , Sherry , nad , falisha , Double Dee , Zym , Predicx . my classmates ; Shahirah , Farhan , Jumali , Ridzwan , Hakim , Acul , Siti , Marsh , Syasya , Dzul , haziq , Afiq , Nadirah Lil Nutz , Hanz , Nadhari and his 2 friends and Feekee for visiting me ! Those short visits meant the world to me . i appreciated it so very much . God blezz yall . xoxo " i wish i could die and see who'd care for me " in my case , i need not go through all that to know who'd give a damn about me because i already know i have good friends who honestly care and was there for me :') sendin my love back and bless to all of you . |